Heather’s Universe

Here I am again, but yet…I’ve quit writing for a few days. I honestly do not know why that is. It’s just that I kind of get bored of blogging after a while. And nobody leaves me any comments. Anyways I haven’t been very busy. I went to the train museum with my cousins earlier in the morning and after that we went to Burger King but I don’t really do much else. It’s midnight and I am laying here on my laptop getting ready for a night of computer fun. I stay up practically all night and sleep in practically all day. Grandma says the doctor will take me off my pills because she thinks that’s what’s making me so un-tired. Right now I want to get up and make popcorn in the microwave but I am afraid of grandma hearing the microwave running and then make me go to bed. And I don’t want to go to bed. It’s just that when I go to bed I can’t sleep. I know I’ve explained all this before but it still confuses me…and talking to this diary isn’t helping much. Anyhoo, I’ve been answering questions on Yahoo! Answers, mainly in the adolescent section. I have to practice if I’m going to be an adolescent psychologist! As a matter of fact, I think I’ll go do that right now…

Sorry I haven’t written since Thursday…I haven’t really been busy but I completely forgot about my blog. My grandma’s friend Dorothy heard that my mom had gotten a DUI and so she called my grandma. And I stupidly believed it and whipped an email off to my mom about how I was angry that she had gotten yet another DUI. She has had four so far. But she hadn’t really gotten one. A cop had come to her house to check her paperwork but that was it. But she was still drunk and she was telling my grandma about some note she thought she had sent or something and she was all mad. She had done that in the middle of the night. Anyway, we went to Waldameer Park on Saturday and I rode all the big scary rides! Yay, I think I’m brave now. Anyways, tomorrow we’re going to a meeting with the OCY and I am so darn excited because grandma said she would take me to the DEB in the mall so I could get some new jeans and a Waldenbooks book. I want Thirteen by Lauren Myracle because she is the most awesome author ever and because Waldenbooks has most of her books. I’m really not sure what I’ll be getting this time, though. So tomorrow I’ll be getting jeans, a Waldenbook, and maybe a T-Shirt. The other day I got new shoes: American Eagle loafers and Airwalk clogs. I have always wanted clogs because everybody else wears them and now I have them and I am happy. The loafers are supposed to be from American Eagle but I wonder if they are authentic. They weren’t very expensive to be from a designer like that. But I’m going to wear my clogs to the first day of school. I hope they are still in style. I hope that will make a good impression on everybody so I make a friend. Grandma says that’s not the best way to make friends, but I don’t really want real friends. I just want a friend so I can say I have one: one to trade clothes with, talk to boys with, giggle with, have parties with, share dreams and secrets with, and basically live life with. But I don’t know if that’s going to happen. I’ll try to shop for stylish clothes tomorrow to make that dream a reality. Wish me luck…

I guess I haven’t said anything about my problem with sleeping. Well here it is: I stay up all night and then I sleep half of the day. I can tell it upsets my grandma. She doesn’t say it does but I can tell. She wants to do stuff but she is either sleeping or I am sleeping anytime we could. I could sleep forever if I could sleep. It’s just that I can’t sleep if I’m not dead tired. And the only way I can get dead-tired is if I lay around on my bed for a million thousand years looking at the computer screen. Then finally at like six o’clock in the morning I go to bed and sleep until 4:00. So most of these blog entries have been written at one or two o’clock in the morning. Grandma let me stay up late last night, but tonight she says I have to go to bed early because we have to go shopping. For a new bathing suit for me because I am fat and don’t fit in my old one. We’re going to look at Goodwill and see if they have any name brands. I can’t wait. I wish we could do it right now, then I wouldn’t have to worry about getting enough sleep. Well that’s about it…

Today I did nothing. Absolutely nothing. Actually, we did walk my uncle’s dog because Anita (my uncle’s second wife from the Phillipines) has gone to Florida and he is always at work so we have to walk the dog. Grandma gets mad when I go to the movie rental store because they cost too much money. She says I could just go to his house, but most of his movies are horror movies and i really hate those really bad. I had nightmares forever after watching Casper the Friendly Ghost. Not really, but they still freak me out…anyways, Amy says all the visits with my mom are cancelled, which kind of makes me sad because I wanted her to bring Lady, my dog, out to see me. But I don’t care if I get to see my mom or not because I am so mad about her drinking all the time and it just kills me to see how she is ruining her life that way. She keeps calling and saying how mad she is at the family, meaning my cousins and uncle, and it isn’t even their fault that she got started! She has to blame everybody else all the time, and pretty soon she forgets that she is the one that needs to STOP!!!

Mom was sober today! But that doesn’t mean it was a good day. Last night I stayed up until 4:00 in the morning, so I went to sleep and woke up at noon. I called Mom to see if she was sober and wanted to go to Steak and Shake. She said we could pick her up (because she lost her drivers license) but the OCY said we weren’t allowed to go to her house at all. So my grandma was calling the caseworker to see if we could pick my mom up, but the caseworker wasn’t in her office even after my grandma called her a lot of times. And to add more badness to that, the mail carrier was really late delivering the mail to the apartment building–he still hasn’t delivered it. My grandma needs her pay check if she’s going to buy us lunch. We probably will not go anywhere today. I like to go places, and for some reason it really whacks me out when we can’t go somewhere. I don’t really like to be home during the day. Well anyways that’s about it. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Dear Diary,
Today Mom was drunk and rampaging around. She called me a bunch of times, giving me graphic details about her urinalysis test and saying how she planned to go to the hospital. Later, me and my grandma went to Albion, this town near us, and went to a park. Then we went to the Fireman’s Carnival and I got cotton candy which got stuck in my hair. By the time we got home, Mom had called 13 times, saying that she thought my grandma was talking to me in the background because she had been talking when I recorded the message on the machine. I’m always playing tricks on her with the phone, so maybe that’s why she thought that. Grandma said that if she is sober tomorrow we can go to a restaraunt. I hope she’ll quit drinking so we can. But even if she’s sober tomorrow, that doesn’t mean she’ll be sober the day after that or the day after that. She’s been drinking forever, so it’s probably hard for her to stop.
Love,
Heather

Dear Diary,
This is my first day of blogging, so I don’t really know what I’m going to put in here. It kind of feels like a new beginning, like in a year from now, I can look at all my posts and be like, “Wow! I actually said that?” “Wow! I wrote a lot on that day!” And it would be kind of like a time capsule filled with everything that happens to me. I hope something big happens. Something to blog about. Or maybe I could just make up a bunch of stuff and make it sound all interesting. Nah, I’ll just come in and write a huge paragraph about nothing every day. I could tell about what I do online…guess what, people? I’m on the staff at God’s Fun Filled Girls. It’s this website for Christian girls and I am one of the writers. You should check out their website, then you can see all my amazing articles in print. I just love to see my writing in print. That’s kind of why I’m doing this blogging thing. Actually, it’s fun. I love to read, I love to write, and putting them together like this is my ultimate dream. You know? Reading what I’m writing. Well, that’s what I just did, and I think this is getting a little long. Better go, diary. Talk to you tomorrow.
Love,
Heather