Heather’s Universe

Today is the last day of August, and it’s the early morning, but I have a story to tell. At around 11:45 last night, I was on my computer. I got offline to write a story I’m working on, and my Internet disconnected. I was worried the modem had come unplugged but I didn’t do anything. I then realized that my computer was running off the battery. I thought maybe all my computer cords had come unplugged, so I tried to turn on a light so I could see what was wrong. But the light didn’t come on, and so I tried the other light above my bed. That didn’t come on either, so I assumed the power was out (it was). And I went to sleep in Grandma’s room after that. At around 4:30 I woke up because I heard a fire alarm going off. I assumed it was just the power coming back on and covered my ears, blocking the sound. I thought I was dreaming. Finally I realized this was real, and went and got Grandma, who was peeling potatoes in the kitchen and thinking about whether to wake me up. The maintenance man, Rodney, came to our door and told us to come outside. I put on my robe, and for some reason, brushed my hair and put on my shoes. We went to the lobby and there were only two other old ladies out of fifty six old people in the building. There was Anne Marie who feeds the wild cats outside and Martha who has a cat that has fleas. We sat down there for about fifteen minutes just talking about what had happened. Rodney went outside to smoke, and I thought, “Sure, sure, go ahead and light another fire.” Then three firefighters came in. I had never seen a firefighter in real life before, except on school trips. They had a video camera thing and were walking through the building to make sure there was no fire. There wasn’t one, but then another high pitched alarm came on and finally Rodney figured out it was the pipes and the fact that the power had come back on.
We went back to our apartments, and I was still nervous and wanted to stay in the lobby but Grandma made me come back down to the apartment down the hall. I sat restlessly on the couch and made sure our bird, Goldie, was okay from the noise. He was, although he was kind of tired acting. That’s basically all that happened. I might write more later after my beach party.

Today school is starting, and I still have stayed up all night on the computer or reading. I got the new Unisom sleeping pills, but they only work for a couple hours and I wake up and can’t sleep anymore. I’m seeing the doctor on September 8, but until then I just can’t sleep no matter what I do. So I just took out my computer, got online, and here is where I have been for the past two hours, checking my Myspace and switching my status to, “Heather is at school!!!” I’m still really excited and my heart gets all fluttery just thinking about it. I always get this way before the first day of school, and I’m really worried that I will have on something that is against the dress code, or my pants will fall down because they are size 17 women’s and do not fit me well, or that this or that other thing will happen. I plan to just walk up to a girl who seems nice at the bus stop and be like, “Hi, I’m Heather.” And see what happens. Maybe she will be like, “Whatevs,” and walk away. Or maybe somebody will recognize that I am a new face and be nice to me. Either way, it’s happening really soon, only a few more hours to go. I don’t know where my locker is or where anything is yet. Except my homeroom, because we went in for a tour last week. Here is what I am wearing: my navy blue bathing suit with sky blue stripes on the side, to hold my stomach in, my pink bra with the bow in the middle, purple panties that say “GLAM” on the back in sequins, socks, tan suede clogs, size 17 flap pocket jeans from Piper & Blue, a white tank top with a decorative button in the front underneath a red plaid Oxford shirt, with red, navy blue, and clear beaded hoop earrings. My backpack is shiny and brown with pink flowers outlined in sparkles. I have a lavendar trapper that says “Sherbet notes” on the front and then folders in blue, green, and pink that have big white hibiscuses on them, and a coral lip gloss and some Kleenex for my booger nose and some Sharpie-type pens. I don’t know why I feel like I have to describe all this stuff, it just kind of keeps me occupied until 3:30, which is when I will get my fat butt up and take a shower and put on bronzer and lip stuff and blow dry my hair and brush my teeth and floss them and use my whitening stuff on them and use my pimple cream on my forehead, and my concealer stick, and then Grandma will drive me to Southeast School which is where I will meet the bus that takes me to Gateway Middle School and then I will probably meet somebody new and make a friend. I guess I will find out. Well, it’s 2:55 right now, 35 minutes to go before my alarm clock rings its loud, shrill beep and Grandma’s bed creaks as she wakes up and says, “Heather, time to get up!” in an annoying six-in-the-morning singsong voice. And then I guess I will find out what happens from there. I just want to keep typing tonight, though for a whole half hour until I can finally go and take a shower and wash my hair with my new Pantene Red Expressions shampoo and conditioner with liquid crystals to make my hair radiant. I wish I had some hairspray. I have some Kuku Koko Butter perfume from Secret and I’m probably going to wear that. I hope nobody minds the smell of it, it’s not very strong. Yeah, I think I’ll be all right. My backpack has lots of compartments, and I will have to remember which one my lipgloss and lunch money are in. I won’t be able to eat at lunch, I’ll be so excited. Maybe I will have nowhere to sit. I remember the little retarded boy who asked me out last year, his name was Chris. He was moving too. I wonder if he moved to Conneaut. I hope so. But he wasn’t at the new student orientation that was last week. Maybe he just missed it. Anyways, I better go. See you after school, diary!!

<A href=”http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.mid=badgecolor&id=361300″><IMG height=60 src=”http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-colorbadge?.out=png&count=100&src=item_stream&uid=361300” width=120></A>

If that HTML thing doesn’t work (and it seldom does) then just click on the link to my Polyvore profile. I like designing clothes and stuff, and Polyvore is really good for that. You get clothes from stores all over the place and you virtually design outfits. When I looked at some other people’s outfits I sort of felt young and inadequate because of how nice their stuff was and how stupid mine is. Do you ever feel that way, diary? I mean, do you feel like I don’t write in you as good as some people write in theirs? Never mind, that’s stupid. But sometimes I do feel inadequate: I feel fat, and stupid and clumsy. But I can’t tell you too much, diary because everything I’m posting on here can be seen by the rest of the online world.
School starts soon and I’m excited. Here’s my dream: all my new clothes are considered fashionable and I make some new friends. We go to the mall (my favorite place) all the time and we have sleepovers and put on makeup and I have a cute sweet boyfriend. But that’s not gonna happen because I’m fat and clumsy and too shy to make any friends. I would go up to people and be like, “Uh, uh, uh,” and they would baby me and feel sorry for me like everyone at my old school did and you don’t know how much I hated that, diary! They weren’t actually my friends, well they pretended they were but really they weren’t! They were just feeling sorry for me because I didn’t wear designer jean or have a boyfriend or call people on the phone  or wear clogs like everybody else in the universe does. This year I got some to try to impress people, which according to someone who answers help quesitons from teenagers all the time, is not the best way to make real friends, but actually I don’t want real friends, I just want someone who I can say they are my friend. And I don’t mean like people online because I have lots of pen pals online.
I am never going to have any friend!

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Lately I’ve been kind of obsessed with kangaroos. I think they’re kinda cute and furry and friendly. At least this one in the video is. I would like to have one for a pet. Obviously, that’s impossible, but let’s keep dreaming. This makes me think of other things I would want. Maybe a mansion? All the makeup and fancy clothes in the world? Shoes, food you could eat without gaining weight? Hey, it’s a dream.

I always write on Yahoo! Answers and today was no exception. I got picked for best answer today, and I was so excited about what the asker, I’ll call her Mary, said.
MARY: How old do I look????
Am I pretty
And what can I do to change my look a bit?
I will tell my age when I choose the best answer.
ME: I tell this to everyone who asks this.
Quit fishing for compliments. I didn’t look at the pictures and I know you’re beautiful just the way you are, even if you have  acne or crooked teeth or a few extra pounds or pale skin or dry hair. Everyone can be beautiful if they believe they are.
If you think you’re ugly, you are indeed ugly.
If you think you’re beautiful without having to make people think that by talking about it all the time, you are indeed beautiful. Only you get to decide if you are pretty. No one else has the right to say that.
MARY:

Wow I have never heard something like that before. Thank you so much I just relized that I am beautiful. Being beautiful has nothing to do with how you look because BEAUTY is within. Lol I even have a shirt that says it and I never really tought it threw thanks so much.

I helped one person and possibly more understand that true beauty is within!! I will make this my life goal. Maybe.
So to anybody reading this, know that true beauty is within!!!

Here I am again, but yet…I’ve quit writing for a few days. I honestly do not know why that is. It’s just that I kind of get bored of blogging after a while. And nobody leaves me any comments. Anyways I haven’t been very busy. I went to the train museum with my cousins earlier in the morning and after that we went to Burger King but I don’t really do much else. It’s midnight and I am laying here on my laptop getting ready for a night of computer fun. I stay up practically all night and sleep in practically all day. Grandma says the doctor will take me off my pills because she thinks that’s what’s making me so un-tired. Right now I want to get up and make popcorn in the microwave but I am afraid of grandma hearing the microwave running and then make me go to bed. And I don’t want to go to bed. It’s just that when I go to bed I can’t sleep. I know I’ve explained all this before but it still confuses me…and talking to this diary isn’t helping much. Anyhoo, I’ve been answering questions on Yahoo! Answers, mainly in the adolescent section. I have to practice if I’m going to be an adolescent psychologist! As a matter of fact, I think I’ll go do that right now…

Sorry I haven’t written since Thursday…I haven’t really been busy but I completely forgot about my blog. My grandma’s friend Dorothy heard that my mom had gotten a DUI and so she called my grandma. And I stupidly believed it and whipped an email off to my mom about how I was angry that she had gotten yet another DUI. She has had four so far. But she hadn’t really gotten one. A cop had come to her house to check her paperwork but that was it. But she was still drunk and she was telling my grandma about some note she thought she had sent or something and she was all mad. She had done that in the middle of the night. Anyway, we went to Waldameer Park on Saturday and I rode all the big scary rides! Yay, I think I’m brave now. Anyways, tomorrow we’re going to a meeting with the OCY and I am so darn excited because grandma said she would take me to the DEB in the mall so I could get some new jeans and a Waldenbooks book. I want Thirteen by Lauren Myracle because she is the most awesome author ever and because Waldenbooks has most of her books. I’m really not sure what I’ll be getting this time, though. So tomorrow I’ll be getting jeans, a Waldenbook, and maybe a T-Shirt. The other day I got new shoes: American Eagle loafers and Airwalk clogs. I have always wanted clogs because everybody else wears them and now I have them and I am happy. The loafers are supposed to be from American Eagle but I wonder if they are authentic. They weren’t very expensive to be from a designer like that. But I’m going to wear my clogs to the first day of school. I hope they are still in style. I hope that will make a good impression on everybody so I make a friend. Grandma says that’s not the best way to make friends, but I don’t really want real friends. I just want a friend so I can say I have one: one to trade clothes with, talk to boys with, giggle with, have parties with, share dreams and secrets with, and basically live life with. But I don’t know if that’s going to happen. I’ll try to shop for stylish clothes tomorrow to make that dream a reality. Wish me luck…