Heather’s Universe

Hi everybody, I have some exciting news…I got my own I.D. card!! I have to get it for this college entrance talent search test thing I’m taking on February 7th. So my mom, my grandma and I went down to the Ohio Bureau of Motor Vehicles and it took about ten minutes. I filled out a form with fun stuff such as my hair color (blonde) eyes (hazel) height (5′6) and stuff like that. Then, they took my picture and it was actually good, and there was…my own I.D. card. Then we went to the mall. I got tennis shoes, patent leather flats, and for gym class I got shorts, leggings and a top. There are two reasons for the leggings: the first, I have ugly, pale legs with cellulite, and the second, the shorts are too short to just wear plain. They’re size 12/14 which isn’t bad, considering. The top has a cute neckline, which means I won’t freak out every time I have to wear it, so that’s good. I think I’m going to use my Sublime Glow sunless tanning stuff on my arms before class so they don’t look too fat and pale and flabby like my legs.

I can’t believe it’s already 10 days into 2009 and I haven’t written in my blog. First of all, if I actually have any readers I wanted to wish you all a happy New Year and hope all your dreams come true.I wish I would get skinny faster, but it just doesn’t seem to be happening.My stats on weight that I don’t mind telling you about because I will never meet you, you don’t know who I am and you can’t tell everyone in school: Current weight 171 pounds, yay, highest weight ever 182.5 pounds boo, weight I want 130 pounds ever bigger yay. Which I guess is good but it takes so much work for so little outcome. Today I was so hungry and Grandma wanted cigarattes so we walked around outside for about a million years looking for everything. We went to three stores and I ended up with a sixpack of ice cream bars which Iate in less than 10 minutes, a mini bag of potato chips, also eaten, and some Honey Nut Cheerios which I ate quite a lot of. I like eating too much to be on a diet. But if you think about it Weight Watchers is not really a diet, it’s a lifestyle choice and by that I mean it’s easy. There isn’t any exercising, all you have to do is eat only 26 or whatever, mine really should be 25 but I don’t care, points less than usual. When you have lost 10% of your weight (for me, 18.22 pounds) then you get a weight goal. I have already got a weight goal in mind and that is 100 pounds but that’s never gonna happen. Maybe 130 is and then I can wear a bikini, oh the joy of it.

Hey. I can already tell today’s entry is going to be pretty long, even though I just now got back from school.

The first thing that happened was, I wore a skirt. A red, swishy, tulle, pretty skirt. With a cute red jacket that’s too big, a white beaded choker, tan pantyhose, and black leather boots that my cousin Jahred says look like motorcycle boots. Which they’re not. But Lily and Jahred (Lily is ten, Jahred is eight, and they are my sweet little cousins who I see every day because they are also my neighbors). came over this morning to wait for the bus, but first Grandma had to drive me to school and Lily had been telling me before that my clothes never matched and for a ten-year-old she does have a pretty good fashion sense, so today she said, “Wow, Heather, your clothes actually match today.” And so I was glad.

Then, when I was in school, we got put in groups in math to work and I got put with two boys and it’s always more fun to work with boys because they’re dumber than girls and will think I’m amazingly smart and occasionally they’re cute (not today, but still) and will lean over to look at my answers which makes them even cuter. Although that wasn’t today, I still like math. Math is fun, math never changes, math doesn’t have some hidden meaning like all our stupid English books are supposed to, so I looove math more than any other subject. I don’t like health. They’re having these sex ed people come in to talk to us next week, and I know that won’t go over well with the students because they already say enough crap about gay people and fags and stuff. Which I hate. I’m not gay, but the kids are still so damn mean to everybody. My God.

Then, Grandma came to pick me up and she told me that my Sony Mylo came. I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT MY SONY MYLO COMING! I LOVE MY SONY MYLO! Did I say that I was really excited and jumped up and down?!?! A Sony Mylo is kind of like a cell phone except it automatically goes on the Internet and takes pictures and it has a QWERTY keyboard. I cannot wait until later today/tomorrow when I can go and get my Sony Mylo from my mother’s house. Oh my gosh it will be so awesome to have a Sony Mylo!

Well, that’s it for today, folks. Bye!

I’m blue. No, literally. See, I have this clear mascara, and my friend had some blue mascara, so stupid me decided to put blue food coloring in my mascara and put it on my eyes. But then it got in the bath and I tried to clean it up, and now I look kind of Smurfy, all smeared with bright aqua blue food coloring. I do like the red food coloring better, I use it for very long-lasting lipstick. When you put on gloss over it, you can barely see that your lips are actually dyed red. Right now, I am also thinking about Weight Watchers because I just went to their meeting tonight, and I’m kind of changing my life around. I’ve been there for about a month and a half now and I’ve lost 9 pounds, 8 more to go till I lose 10% of my weight. Ultimately I want to weigh 120-130 pounds, and I weigh 172 pounds now, when I started I weighed 182, so actually wait, I’ve lost 10 pounds and only need to lose seven more pounds which should take 2-4 weeks for me. Anyway, grandma’s getting ready to blow her top about me being up late again, one, two, three, so bye diary and potential adoirng fans!!

So, I haven’t written in about forever. But that’s okay because I’m going to start writing again every day. So I’m just going to skip over the last few months that I haven’t written and tell you about my day today. 

So let’s see…I woke up this morning and I had already taken a shower at night so I just went back to bed. I wore my cool jeans today so I was pretty happy and didn’t get too upset. In first period, it was just old study hall, and I read my new Sarah Dessen book, The Truth About Forever, and in 2nd period we did these book things that are uber-hard and we should just be able to write stuff down, but noooo, noooo can’t do that because the teacher wants us to draw. I’m not a bad artist but if you expect me to be good I need lots of writing utensils which I don’t really have. Then, in health, we learned about the digestive system. Ew. Then another study hall in which a guy was really weird to me and kept telling me this kid liked me and the kid kept saying, “Ew, no! Ew, no!” And it was really dumb. I never talk, so I just rolled my eyes and made my ArE yOu CoMpLeTeLy CrAzY face at him, with a raised eyebrow and a sarcastic look. To top it off, in fifth period the language arts teacher said we had to write out our narrative, as if everything else wasn’t bad enough. And have someone from school sign it. I wrote my narrative about what the future will be like and how I fully intend to live to be the oldest person in the world, at 150 years old in 2146. 

So, better go.

Do you realize I’ve started most of my stuff with the word “so?” Anyways.

Bye!!!

Today is the last day of August, and it’s the early morning, but I have a story to tell. At around 11:45 last night, I was on my computer. I got offline to write a story I’m working on, and my Internet disconnected. I was worried the modem had come unplugged but I didn’t do anything. I then realized that my computer was running off the battery. I thought maybe all my computer cords had come unplugged, so I tried to turn on a light so I could see what was wrong. But the light didn’t come on, and so I tried the other light above my bed. That didn’t come on either, so I assumed the power was out (it was). And I went to sleep in Grandma’s room after that. At around 4:30 I woke up because I heard a fire alarm going off. I assumed it was just the power coming back on and covered my ears, blocking the sound. I thought I was dreaming. Finally I realized this was real, and went and got Grandma, who was peeling potatoes in the kitchen and thinking about whether to wake me up. The maintenance man, Rodney, came to our door and told us to come outside. I put on my robe, and for some reason, brushed my hair and put on my shoes. We went to the lobby and there were only two other old ladies out of fifty six old people in the building. There was Anne Marie who feeds the wild cats outside and Martha who has a cat that has fleas. We sat down there for about fifteen minutes just talking about what had happened. Rodney went outside to smoke, and I thought, “Sure, sure, go ahead and light another fire.” Then three firefighters came in. I had never seen a firefighter in real life before, except on school trips. They had a video camera thing and were walking through the building to make sure there was no fire. There wasn’t one, but then another high pitched alarm came on and finally Rodney figured out it was the pipes and the fact that the power had come back on.
We went back to our apartments, and I was still nervous and wanted to stay in the lobby but Grandma made me come back down to the apartment down the hall. I sat restlessly on the couch and made sure our bird, Goldie, was okay from the noise. He was, although he was kind of tired acting. That’s basically all that happened. I might write more later after my beach party.

Today school is starting, and I still have stayed up all night on the computer or reading. I got the new Unisom sleeping pills, but they only work for a couple hours and I wake up and can’t sleep anymore. I’m seeing the doctor on September 8, but until then I just can’t sleep no matter what I do. So I just took out my computer, got online, and here is where I have been for the past two hours, checking my Myspace and switching my status to, “Heather is at school!!!” I’m still really excited and my heart gets all fluttery just thinking about it. I always get this way before the first day of school, and I’m really worried that I will have on something that is against the dress code, or my pants will fall down because they are size 17 women’s and do not fit me well, or that this or that other thing will happen. I plan to just walk up to a girl who seems nice at the bus stop and be like, “Hi, I’m Heather.” And see what happens. Maybe she will be like, “Whatevs,” and walk away. Or maybe somebody will recognize that I am a new face and be nice to me. Either way, it’s happening really soon, only a few more hours to go. I don’t know where my locker is or where anything is yet. Except my homeroom, because we went in for a tour last week. Here is what I am wearing: my navy blue bathing suit with sky blue stripes on the side, to hold my stomach in, my pink bra with the bow in the middle, purple panties that say “GLAM” on the back in sequins, socks, tan suede clogs, size 17 flap pocket jeans from Piper & Blue, a white tank top with a decorative button in the front underneath a red plaid Oxford shirt, with red, navy blue, and clear beaded hoop earrings. My backpack is shiny and brown with pink flowers outlined in sparkles. I have a lavendar trapper that says “Sherbet notes” on the front and then folders in blue, green, and pink that have big white hibiscuses on them, and a coral lip gloss and some Kleenex for my booger nose and some Sharpie-type pens. I don’t know why I feel like I have to describe all this stuff, it just kind of keeps me occupied until 3:30, which is when I will get my fat butt up and take a shower and put on bronzer and lip stuff and blow dry my hair and brush my teeth and floss them and use my whitening stuff on them and use my pimple cream on my forehead, and my concealer stick, and then Grandma will drive me to Southeast School which is where I will meet the bus that takes me to Gateway Middle School and then I will probably meet somebody new and make a friend. I guess I will find out. Well, it’s 2:55 right now, 35 minutes to go before my alarm clock rings its loud, shrill beep and Grandma’s bed creaks as she wakes up and says, “Heather, time to get up!” in an annoying six-in-the-morning singsong voice. And then I guess I will find out what happens from there. I just want to keep typing tonight, though for a whole half hour until I can finally go and take a shower and wash my hair with my new Pantene Red Expressions shampoo and conditioner with liquid crystals to make my hair radiant. I wish I had some hairspray. I have some Kuku Koko Butter perfume from Secret and I’m probably going to wear that. I hope nobody minds the smell of it, it’s not very strong. Yeah, I think I’ll be all right. My backpack has lots of compartments, and I will have to remember which one my lipgloss and lunch money are in. I won’t be able to eat at lunch, I’ll be so excited. Maybe I will have nowhere to sit. I remember the little retarded boy who asked me out last year, his name was Chris. He was moving too. I wonder if he moved to Conneaut. I hope so. But he wasn’t at the new student orientation that was last week. Maybe he just missed it. Anyways, I better go. See you after school, diary!!

<A href=”http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.mid=badgecolor&id=361300″><IMG height=60 src=”http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-colorbadge?.out=png&count=100&src=item_stream&uid=361300” width=120></A>

If that HTML thing doesn’t work (and it seldom does) then just click on the link to my Polyvore profile. I like designing clothes and stuff, and Polyvore is really good for that. You get clothes from stores all over the place and you virtually design outfits. When I looked at some other people’s outfits I sort of felt young and inadequate because of how nice their stuff was and how stupid mine is. Do you ever feel that way, diary? I mean, do you feel like I don’t write in you as good as some people write in theirs? Never mind, that’s stupid. But sometimes I do feel inadequate: I feel fat, and stupid and clumsy. But I can’t tell you too much, diary because everything I’m posting on here can be seen by the rest of the online world.
School starts soon and I’m excited. Here’s my dream: all my new clothes are considered fashionable and I make some new friends. We go to the mall (my favorite place) all the time and we have sleepovers and put on makeup and I have a cute sweet boyfriend. But that’s not gonna happen because I’m fat and clumsy and too shy to make any friends. I would go up to people and be like, “Uh, uh, uh,” and they would baby me and feel sorry for me like everyone at my old school did and you don’t know how much I hated that, diary! They weren’t actually my friends, well they pretended they were but really they weren’t! They were just feeling sorry for me because I didn’t wear designer jean or have a boyfriend or call people on the phone  or wear clogs like everybody else in the universe does. This year I got some to try to impress people, which according to someone who answers help quesitons from teenagers all the time, is not the best way to make real friends, but actually I don’t want real friends, I just want someone who I can say they are my friend. And I don’t mean like people online because I have lots of pen pals online.
I am never going to have any friend!

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Lately I’ve been kind of obsessed with kangaroos. I think they’re kinda cute and furry and friendly. At least this one in the video is. I would like to have one for a pet. Obviously, that’s impossible, but let’s keep dreaming. This makes me think of other things I would want. Maybe a mansion? All the makeup and fancy clothes in the world? Shoes, food you could eat without gaining weight? Hey, it’s a dream.

I always write on Yahoo! Answers and today was no exception. I got picked for best answer today, and I was so excited about what the asker, I’ll call her Mary, said.
MARY: How old do I look????
Am I pretty
And what can I do to change my look a bit?
I will tell my age when I choose the best answer.
ME: I tell this to everyone who asks this.
Quit fishing for compliments. I didn’t look at the pictures and I know you’re beautiful just the way you are, even if you have  acne or crooked teeth or a few extra pounds or pale skin or dry hair. Everyone can be beautiful if they believe they are.
If you think you’re ugly, you are indeed ugly.
If you think you’re beautiful without having to make people think that by talking about it all the time, you are indeed beautiful. Only you get to decide if you are pretty. No one else has the right to say that.
MARY:

Wow I have never heard something like that before. Thank you so much I just relized that I am beautiful. Being beautiful has nothing to do with how you look because BEAUTY is within. Lol I even have a shirt that says it and I never really tought it threw thanks so much.

I helped one person and possibly more understand that true beauty is within!! I will make this my life goal. Maybe.
So to anybody reading this, know that true beauty is within!!!